Eye of My Hurricane

Ahhhhh. Cara's home. I feel better now, don't you? We successfully got our nieces where they belong, and got our oldest home. Now it is back to life as normal. At least for a week. Shawn leaves on Sunday for Austin, Texas.

On my quest to get healthy I have begun week five and phase 2. I have lost 5.5 pounds and 5.5 inches!!! Wooooohooooo! Praise You, Jesus! I couldn't have done this without Your strength. In phase 2 I step up my exercise routine by adding 20 minutes of strength training twice a week. I also get to choose one area of eating to change my habits and no liquid calories for 30 days. I chose meal portions. Only putting enough on my plate, and not eating all the left-overs on the kids plates while I clean up dishes. Upon self-examination, I discovered that I don't like to throw food away. So I end up eating the food left on the children's plates instead of throwing it out, and that ends up making me overweight! I have to admit I'm proud of my 5.5 pounds and 5.5 inches.


Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the eye of a hurricane? Life is zooming past you and you are in the center standing still. It's calm where you are, but you feel like you need to be in the activity. You feel like you need to do something, but there doesn't seem to be anything to do.


I feel like I've almost been at a place of inactivity with the Lord. Not that He's been inactive! He is always at work. But I'm used to being "at work" with Him. I've had a long spell here where I feel like He's telling me to draw near and be still. Draw near and be still. In case you haven't caught on to my tendencies through all these posts, I don't do "be still" very well. I want to be needed and I want to be "doing" something for my Abba. Not that He needs my help, just that I want to give it.


I'm standing in the center of my hurricane and my children are growing up before my eyes, my husband is struggling through the ministry God has given him, my sister and her husband seem to be booming in their ministry, etc. And here, I stand. Not doing anything. Not working in ministry. Not actively helping my husband. Just standing. Am I the only one?


I want to draw near and listen. I want to be still and know that He is God. I want to be satisfied to be in His presence. I want to be all the things I'm so good at teaching my children about, but struggle to live out daily!

Abba, hear my plea! I want to be right where You want me! I want to do exactly as You would have me to do! I want to know that I am pleasing You. Oh that my soul would be satisfied with Your presence as with the richest of foods. That Your Word would be my daily bread and the light to my path! I want to draw nearer to You, to hear Your words of encouragement and be satisfied to sit at Your feet in worship. Renew my mind. Be my strength. Let me be pleasing to You.

Random Thoughts

I don't really have much to tell you today. Just thought I'd drop some random thoughts out there for blog-world.

• Cara is gone to church camp with my sister's church. I miss her so much; her infectious smile and laughter. I know she is enjoying herself, though and that makes it easier. If she was pining away for me like I am for her, I'd have gone to pick her up already!
• I am keeping my nieces Trista and Carli again this week. All five of the children at my house range in age from 20 months to 6 years old. As you can imagine, there's lots of activity! Thank you, Lord, for sidewalk chalk and water sprinklers and trampolines!
• Shawn is going to be leaving in about 1-1/2 weeks for Health, Safety, & Environment Training in Austin, TX for his job with LSI. He'll leave Sunday evening the 26th and be home hopefully Friday the 31st, but I will miss him terribly while he's gone!
• I'm on my 4th week of exercising! I am just proud to tell you that I'm still doing it. I've never stuck with an exercise program this long. I've not had any major breakthroughs on my weight issues, but I'm not doing this to lose weight (which I have a little). I'm trying to change to a healthy lifestyle. This is going to take time and stages. Stage one was to get into the habit of exercising. That's what I'm working on now. I'll update you next week as to what my next step is.
• I've found that you can memorize Scripture while you walk. I needed something to keep my mind off of the clock while I'm exercising. I thought about carrying an MP3 player, but then I would miss out on hearing the birds and the stream and the cows out by where I walk. So I decided to take my Scripture memory index cards with me! It has worked out great! Keeps my mind focused on the Lord, while doing something productive for my body.

God is showing His faithfulness. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13) He never fails to strengthen me when I need it. He knows I have need of His strength before I do. Thank you, Father for your grace and your strength. Abba, I couldn't have come this far without you. And I adore you, praise you, and desire to serve you. Please hear my heart's cry!

I Fear I Blew My Top

My feelings have been hurt today. Someone took it upon themselves to inform me that I am doing my children an injustice by homeschooling them. She felt she was able to make this declaration because her mother observed that one of my children seemed not to act like the rest of the girls her age at a VBS.

I've never really shared my convictions about homeschooling and such on my blog because I feared offending someone who chooses not to home school. May I just vent for a minute here?

I have never told anyone that they were doing their children an injustice because they send them off to school for 7 hours a day to be indoctrinated by worldviews that are so far from Scripture they in no means can be called godly. I have never said this because I believe that every family should do that which God tells them to do. He has told my family to home school.

My goals are for my children to grow to be godly adults, not normal people. One of my children has a tendency to stand off from the crowd and observe people before she jumps in the fun (just like her father does). One of my children jumps into social settings and makes a splash to be the center of the fun. One of my children chooses to set her own standard for fun and if others want to join in, that's great. My youngest is a ham and he hasn't quite figured out where he fits into social schemes. Every child is different. My oldest child went to public school for kindergarten and 1st grade. She acted the same way in those social settings as she does today. That is just who she is. None of my other children have attended public school, but I believe their personalities would follow them if they did.

My point is this: just because something pops into your head does not mean the Lord intends for you to speak it. It may just hurt someone. I try very much so to not be offended by any thing or any one. I guess today my dander got ruffled because someone chose to attack the very core of what I believe I am teaching my children to be.

I don't want normal children. Normal children are self-centered. Normal children act like their friends because they haven't been taught how to be themselves. Normal children lose their virginity before they are married. Normal children generally have no regards for God and His will for their lives. I DO NOT WANT NORMAL CHILDREN! (Please understand, I am not saying that all children who attend public school are ungodly. I am saying I am simply trying to be obedient to God's call in my life to home school my children.)

Yes, my children act selfishly, yes, my children make mistakes and are human. But my children are also the most precious gift God has given me and it's my job to bring them up in His Word. I want my children to find God every day and seek His guidance. I want them to have active lives of Scripture study and prayer. I want them to know that Scripture holds the answers to life, not a schoolbook. I pray they learn how to rely on the Lord for their daily bread. I want them to put Him above everything else in life.

If I have offended anyone, that was not my purpose. I pray you see my heart for my kids and understand that just as you must do for your family what you believe is best, so must I. Only for the glory of the Lord. I'm not sure I glorified Him today when I almost blew my top. Forgive me, Abba. May I honor You in all I do concerning the education of my children. May Your satisfaction be enough for my heart; I don't want to rely on the approval of others!

"Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God." Acts 4:19