Looking After the Interests of Others

I think I am learning more and more why God chose to set His ultimate creation in family units. I knew all along that the purpose of the husband-wife relationship was to demonstrate Abba's desire to have a love relationship with us as our Sacrifice. As I relate to my husband and strive to put aside selfishness in my marriage relationship, for Shawn's benefit, it makes me value the sacrifice Christ made to be my Redeemer.



As a parent, I am learning how God relates to us as His children. This past weekend I witnessed something in my children I was shocked to overhear. There was intense anger and venom in the words coming from my two oldest daughters. I immediately summarized that this, of course, was because I had failed as a parent to teach them properly how to love and relate to one another with words of love, right? Well, I must admit I was a little deflated that they could speak to one another like this and I did feel a little like a bad mom. After all, aren't our children's reactions a direct result of our teachings/examples?



Upon hearing the interaction I was almost speechless. Please note I was almost speechless. Truthfully, I had to hold my tongue because I wanted to say so much! I promptly told them to hug, kiss, apologize, and tell the other "I love you." (This is parenting according to Euna, my mother. I cannot tell you how many times my sisters had to do this!) Then I told them to go to their respective "corners", think about their actions, and that they would be grounded. I hadn't figured out from what yet, but grounded they would be.



As I prayed about how to handle this situation, I pondered quietly while trying to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting. I figured this would be a good time to contemplate how the Lord relates to us a Father, Abba, Daddy... He loves us so much. I wonder how much I disappoint Him with my spiteful speech about other children that belong to Him? How many times has He had to look into this heart of mine and be heart-broken over the depth of anger and sin He sees in me? Knowing I've let Him down in the same way my own children had revealed their hearts to me, I prayed harder for how to handle the situation in a way that would honor Him and teach them to try to change these behaviors.



I am NOT going to try to tell you that God revealed anything new to me in parenting and that all parents everywhere should try this and it will be guaranteed to work! I am going to tell you that after seeking guidance, I knew peace. I knew that He still loves me even though I mess up. I knew that no matter how my children might disappoint me, I still love them.

The next morning, the three of us sat down to talk about it. I read Philippians 2:3-4 to them. It says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." We discussed the meaning of these verses, and how no matter what the "reasons" for their anger toward one another, the truth was: it all boiled down to selfishness. When we don't get what we want, we get angry. When the other person doesn't do or say what we want, we get angry. It all boils down to selfishness, looking out for our own interests, not the interests of others.

I went on to ground them from several things for one week. Nothing too severe, but I'm seeing a change in attitudes! Praise you, Jesus, for working in my children's lives. Your Spirit is affective even in the smallest of people. Thank you for being the God of family, the God of children and the God of marriage.

Stickin' With Ya

Every so often, I try to sit with my oldest daughter and ask how things are going with her spiritually. For instance, before she left for church camp, I encouraged her to be sensitive to God's leadership and convictions. Last night, I was able to visit with her a little bit.

My goal with this posting is not to tell you our conversation because I wouldn't want to break her confidence. But the concepts of it, I believe, will be beneficial for parents with young Christian children. (Not that I've got a corner on that market or anything!)

Statistics show that children form their worldviews by the time they reach 13 years of age. If the habits and attitudes that are prevalent by that age are good, they will likely have the same ones into adulthood. But the same goes for bad attitudes and habits! If I do not cultivate selfLESSness, my children will bend toward selfISHness. But if, as the mother of a Christian youngster, I impress upon that child that decisions he/she makes when at the age of nine will affect the person he/she is at age eleven. And decisions at age eleven are likely to stick around through teenage years, etc. on into adulthood. Thus, who that person decides to be at age 13 will not likely differ too much from what the person is at age 23. It sticks with ya!

You may say, "I didn't really decide who I was going to be at age 13. I just am who I am." I will say to you, "We all choose how to respond to situations, whether we respond well or not. My eleven-year-old can choose her words and reactions just like I do. She just may not have been taught how to choose the better responses yet."

What about your family? Do you encourage your young ones to choose responses and attitudes based on God's Word, or do you just encourage them to be who they are and express themselves with no guidance or restraint? I'm not talking about discipline or punishment; putting them in time-out for a bad attitude or smart mouth. I'm talking about teaching them to put on the whole armor of God so they can stand against the worldviews that are trying to destroy believers today. That way maybe the child can learn to curb his/her tongue before the words spew and pursue godliness in speech/attitude/actions/etc.