Convictions

Have you ever wondered why your parents allowed certain things that you would never allow your own children to do? Or vice verse: why you would allow your children certain privileges that your parents would have never dreamed of allowing you to do. I am positive that my parents loved me as much as I love my own children. I am positive that my parents wanted to give me better than they had growing up, as I would like to do for my children. My sister and I have this conversation frequently. We have come to believe that the difference lies in convictions.

I grew up in a Christian home where we attended church all the time. I watched my parents attend prayer meetings, try to read their Bibles regularly, and try to raise us up "right". I believe for the most part they did a great job. But I know I never learned how to live a Spirit-filled life in Christ as a child. I think they tried hard, but I think there were some convictions missing in their lives,and subsequently, they were missing in my life. That is, until I chose to get my own convictions.

Convictions like:

• giving my children a godly education.
• courting versus dating.
• everything in my life has spiritual implications. (All things, good or bad, affect my spiritual walk, no matter how inconsequential they may seem.)

Shawn and I have chosen to home school our children. This decision was not one that was made overnight, nor was it one that everyone in our family agreed with. This was a conviction that we had from the Lord. I will never tell you that your family needs to home school. That is between you and God, not you and me.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says, "These commands that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."

How can we talk to our children about them when we were only spending about 4 hours a day with them and 3 of those hours were filled with homework and bath time? We did send our oldest daughter to school for a couple of years, but our conviction from the Lord was that she would be better off learning about Him from us. I found out quickly that my daughter was much more influenced by the school children than they were influenced by her. And I don't think anyone could argue that the public school district was going to teach my child about God's love and Jesus Christ's Deity!

The burden I have on my heart for each of my children to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior and to have a vibrant, growing, love relationship with Him! Did you hear what I said? I have a burden. I don't just want them to, or think they need to. My heart is heavy with the weight of my responsibility to introduce them to Him. When they were in my womb I started praying for the salvation of their souls, and have not stopped. I am jealous for the opportunity to be the one to lead them to Christ. I try my best to teach them every day the Good News of the Gospel so they know that they sin, that Christ died for that sin and was raised back to life to conquer that sin.

Two of mine have accepted His gift of forgiveness. For them, my burden has changed to teach them how to love Jesus more today than they did yesterday. I strive to be an example to them of what a vibrant follower of Christ is. To show them how to rely on His strength when we are weak and how to find His Truth for the problems we face are daily goals. I do not live a passive faith in front of them. We constantly talk about self control over our actions and our words and our thoughts. I strive to teach them that sin can begin and end if we control our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).

I pray you can see that this decision was not haphazardly made. A public school teacher or school mates will not teach my children how to do these things. It is my burden for a reason: God gave me a conviction. I'd love to hear your thoughts! I plan to write about the other points soon.

Learning...

What am I learning from the Lord right now?

I am learning that introspection doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be helpful and releasing! I can actually look inside myself and see Him, not my version of my own self-worth.

I am learning that He loves me and forgives me completely. No sin is greater than He is able to forgive! All we have to do is ask.

I recently lost a baby and have been struggling to see myself as a creation of great worth to Him. Thinking that if I was a good mom, God would've let me have that child and the others that I've lost. God knows what He's doing though. You see, I began that pregnancy just as I started a Bible study on "Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee. That was no accident. Abba knew that I'd need to know my worth in His eyes as He beholds me covered by the blood of Christ. I've been able to dig down deep and see what my Lord sees in me.

What does He see, you ask? He sees someone made in His image, "fearfully & wonderfully made," forgiven by His grace and glorified by His redemption!

I wonder, what have you been learning from the Lord?

Eye of My Hurricane

Ahhhhh. Cara's home. I feel better now, don't you? We successfully got our nieces where they belong, and got our oldest home. Now it is back to life as normal. At least for a week. Shawn leaves on Sunday for Austin, Texas.

On my quest to get healthy I have begun week five and phase 2. I have lost 5.5 pounds and 5.5 inches!!! Wooooohooooo! Praise You, Jesus! I couldn't have done this without Your strength. In phase 2 I step up my exercise routine by adding 20 minutes of strength training twice a week. I also get to choose one area of eating to change my habits and no liquid calories for 30 days. I chose meal portions. Only putting enough on my plate, and not eating all the left-overs on the kids plates while I clean up dishes. Upon self-examination, I discovered that I don't like to throw food away. So I end up eating the food left on the children's plates instead of throwing it out, and that ends up making me overweight! I have to admit I'm proud of my 5.5 pounds and 5.5 inches.


Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the eye of a hurricane? Life is zooming past you and you are in the center standing still. It's calm where you are, but you feel like you need to be in the activity. You feel like you need to do something, but there doesn't seem to be anything to do.


I feel like I've almost been at a place of inactivity with the Lord. Not that He's been inactive! He is always at work. But I'm used to being "at work" with Him. I've had a long spell here where I feel like He's telling me to draw near and be still. Draw near and be still. In case you haven't caught on to my tendencies through all these posts, I don't do "be still" very well. I want to be needed and I want to be "doing" something for my Abba. Not that He needs my help, just that I want to give it.


I'm standing in the center of my hurricane and my children are growing up before my eyes, my husband is struggling through the ministry God has given him, my sister and her husband seem to be booming in their ministry, etc. And here, I stand. Not doing anything. Not working in ministry. Not actively helping my husband. Just standing. Am I the only one?


I want to draw near and listen. I want to be still and know that He is God. I want to be satisfied to be in His presence. I want to be all the things I'm so good at teaching my children about, but struggle to live out daily!

Abba, hear my plea! I want to be right where You want me! I want to do exactly as You would have me to do! I want to know that I am pleasing You. Oh that my soul would be satisfied with Your presence as with the richest of foods. That Your Word would be my daily bread and the light to my path! I want to draw nearer to You, to hear Your words of encouragement and be satisfied to sit at Your feet in worship. Renew my mind. Be my strength. Let me be pleasing to You.

Sweat Drops of Blood

In the garden of Gethsemane, Scripture reports that Jesus had sweat-drops of blood. We know his horrific death, but a preacher recently revealed that Jesus wasn’t scared of death. He had known that crucifixion would be his destiny since the beginning of time. If this is so, why so much anguish? Because He knew in that moment He would have to become sin.


Remember what He left. Remember the glory He shared with the Father in heaven before coming to earth. God cannot be in the presence of sin. If Jesus was to become sin for us, it meant the first ever separation between the Father and Son and Spirit of God in the history of eternity, not just the history of time. Remember that the Triune God exists eternally. He was before time. He IS in this time and will be for eternity future.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus had sweat-drops of blood because for the first time ever, he would be completely human. He would know what it is like to be separated from God. We know this separation because we are born into it, but Jesus was God-Man. He was not born into sin. He lived a perfect life and had never, even in his humanity, been completely separated from the presence of his Father and The Holy Spirit.


As Jesus hung on the cross, he became sin (2 Corinthians 5:21) that we might become righteous. We cannot be righteous apart from Him. In that moment, as he hung on the cross and cried out “Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?” he became sin. My sin, your sin, he became sin. It wasn’t for his own sin that he hung there, but for ours. He had never known that kind of separation.

So apart from the cruel way he had to die, he chose to pay the ultimate price. That price was separation from his Father so that we might have a bridge to cross in order to get to Him (the Father). Jesus is our way, our only way to God.Am I grieved over my sin? Obviously I am not as grieved as Jesus was. I don’t walk around with sweat-drops of blood coming from my face. I’m not even sure I cry over my sin like I should. My sin not only separates me from God, but it was the very thing that caused Christ’s death. Shouldn't that shake me up enough not to continue in sin?

I am now undertaking the memorization of Romans 6 so that I can learn how to combat the sin problems in my life. I don’t want to grieve the Lord any more. I want to grieve myself and change it. No, I’m not saying I can be perfect, but I am saying I can be better than I am. How about you?

Lay Off

Monday of this week, my husband received a nasty little letter from human resources at the company he works for. It said, "You are laid off effective July 2, 2009." He called me and I was very proud of myself for not just bursting out wailing in tears on the phone. I was calm, cool, collected and in shock.

His job is good for him. He likes what he does, learning new things and being trained to take on bigger things. God has used him to minister to his co-workers and he enjoys the people he works with. To make things worse, we found out that his lay-off was a mistake, but they couldn't correct it now because the paperwork had never been finished when he was transferred to his new project. Why would God allow something like this to happen?

Because..."you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:3-4) I will confess to you that Shawn and I have not been the best money managers since we married nearly 12 years ago. We have failed to honor God with our finances so many times. Just when I think we've got it under control, something else happens and we choose to not trust God to supply our needs. I know that it takes time, but I was so scared of what would happen to us if he lost his job.

When someone asked me what we were going to do, the only thing I knew to say was, "Well, we're going to keep trusting the Lord to provide for our needs. That will probably take a re-evaluation of what is a need vs. a want, but God will be faithful."

God was already at work though! Shawn's supervisors and fellow employees went to bat for him and found him another position in the company. Boy, does He provide! Was He on time or what? Today, I am singing the praises of my Savior! He is the Savior of my soul, and my life, but also the Savior of my finances and well-being.

Abba, I stand in awe of Your love for me today. I stand in awe of who You are! I am so blessed to be a recipient of Your grace and mercy. I will praise Your name because You are Great! I will sing of Your never-ending love for me! You are God alone, and I praise you.

How has God shown His faithfulness to you lately? I'd love to hear about it!

By the way, I'm on day two of my goal to work-out for 30 minutes a day, five days a week, four weeks in a row. Can I just say I AM SO SORE!!! I didn't even attempt to jog today. I thought sure they'd have to scrape me off the asphalt if I did. Simple sitting and getting up has become an issue today. It's going to be bad again tomorrow, but day four should be easier! Please pray for me!

Victory in Jesus!

Okay, I did it. I got up this morning, read my Scriptures, prayed, then I did it. I started the first day for the rest of my life. I walked/jogged for a full thirty minutes. There were times during the jogging part that I literally thought I was going to pass out! I am not just really over-weight (more than I want to be), but MY OH MY, I AM OUT OF SHAPE!

I decided to take a Scripture and use it as a "Surrender Statement". This is a tool I picked up from reading in Chantel Hobbs' "Never Say Diet" book I'm reading. I adapted Romans 12:1-2. My Surrender Statement says "Lord, today I surrender. I will present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to you. I will no longer be conformed but transformed. Thank you, God, for being my strength." Why victory in Jesus? Because through Him, I accomplished the first step toward my new goal!

I really pray you will celebrate with me. I know thirty minutes of walking/jogging isn't much, but for me it was a milestone! I'm not going to go down and sign up for a marathon or anything...YET. One day I plan to be healthy enough to do it!

Like I said, it's the first day of the rest of my life. Yours too, you know? What do you plan to do with it?

Pounding

I just have to say that I love blogging! I read and follow so many good, wonderful, godly people in blog world! :) I never new all this fun existed. I also never knew how powerfully God could use computers to pound His message into my brain!

The message? "Quit excusing your bad eating habits and surrender ALL to me!"

The response? "Yes, Lord, I hear you. Please, forgive my blatant ignoring of your call in my life. I surrender. I'm going to need you moment by moment on this journey. Thank you that your mercies are new each morning. I love you, my Savior, my God."

Is He asking you to surrender anything? I could use all the help I can get knowing I'm not in it alone! Let me hear from you!

Lots of Children!

I've been trying to prepare my house and mind for lots of children. For those of you who don't know me personally, I have four children: (three girls) the oldest is 11, one turning 6 Monday, a precious 3 year old, and my baby boy is 20 months. Some may think that is lots of children, but I believe it's just what I need, if not more.

This evening I will be inheriting two more for almost a week. My nieces will be staying with me while my sister Beth and her family go on a mission trip. The oldest, Trista, is five and the younger one, Carli, is 19 months. My oldest sister, Lisa, and I were pregnant together twice. So Grace (my almost 6 year old) is to-the-day three months older than Trista. They are the best of friends and cousins who love to play together! Most of the time they get along fabulously, but they have their moments like all children. The second time Lisa and I were pregnant together, I had Hazin 7 weeks before she had Carli. They aren't old enough to know it yet, but they are the best of friends too. When they see one another, they just hug like they won't ever let go. It is the sweetest thing. Anyway, Lisa's children stay with Beth, and she (Beth) is taking the three oldest children in her home with her, and leaving the younger two with me for part of the time.

I try to be creative when I have this many to take care of. When you allow children to play without direction for too long, they argue and fuss more. So far I have playing in the water sprinkler and a trip to the park if it isn't raining. That should take up about 1/2 a day. Ummmm I'll take any suggestions you can offer. Just remember that everything has to be planned around the babies' naps! Cannot forget about nap time! Please leave me a comment with any suggestions!

When I woke up this morning I had a really hard time pulling myself together. I wondered why me? I just did not want to get up. Then I remembered that I am supposed to be jumping up and being excited to spend time with my Lord today (and every day). My heart said, "My soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You as in a dry and weary land." Then my mind said, "That's not true Tracey. You're not longing today. You are be slothful and wanting to stay in bed." The Truth is that we all long for God, but sometimes we choose other things. Abiding is a hard thing. To be able to stay in one place, focused on one thing, is a prayer of mine and a struggle. There are so many distractions pulling us in many different ways. Along with your suggestions on kids' activities, feel free to share any tips on abiding...staying connected...being content without being complacent...loving and living like you mean it.

I know that I can't spend all day everyday with a Bible on my lap and never move from "praying position". That's not what I'm talking about. Even when I work, I work to the Lord. Even when I discipline my children, I do so as unto the Lord. Even when I cook supper, cook to the Lord. That's the kind of living I want to do...whatever my hand finds to do, do it as unto the Lord that He might be glorified in me. All I know to say is "Yes, Lord, yes."

Jesus, apart from you, I can do NOTHING. Help me to abide in the True Vine. I love you today.